Category: Lighter Side

Many years ago when I worked in property management, responding to tenant complaints was a big part of my job. Many of these complaints were about their neighbors. Most of them were the fairly standard ones about noise, partying, and littering. Some of them, however, were quite a bit more bizarre. I’d like to share with you some more of the strangest tenant complaints that I ever received:

1. My neighbors on either side are leaving trash bags out on the porch. This morning I woke up to multiple rats running back and forth between the two and squeaking like it was a party.
2. Someone stole all my sheets and pillowcases from the dryer. This is the second time this has happened.
3. My downstairs neighbor keeps feeding the pigeons from his back porch. Whenever I use the back stairs, I have to practically step around ten pigeons to get to my door. I'm afraid one of them is going to follow me inside.
4. Someone in the building is using a device to block signals to my AM/FM radio.
5. I think my upstairs neighbor cleans her floors by dumping a bucket of soapy water on the floor then mopping it up. There is soapy water running down my walls (again).
6. My neighbor doesn't clean up after his dogs. When I tried to talk to him about it yesterday, he and his dogs fled down the alley.
7. There is a single beer can outside my neighbor's front door. It has been there for several days.
8. The guy who lives in the basement apartment never wears a shirt when he does laundry, and it's kinda weird. Also, I know that he owns more than one shirt.
9. I think my next door neighbor's bed frame is loose and maybe needs to be moved either farther from the wall or more snugly up against the wall.
10. I gave a spare key to my neighbor in case I ever got locked out, and today she stole maple syrup, sausages, oatmeal, and hot chocolate from my apartment while I was at work.
11. Whenever an ambulance passes, my downstairs neighbor's dog howls along with the siren.
12. Someone upstairs was yelling really nasty insults out the window at the parade going by today. I don't think this reflects well on the building.
13. My downstairs neighbor pounds on her ceiling with a broom handle from the moment I get home to the moment I leave. I don't wear shoes in the apartment and I don't know what to do.
14. Neighbors on 3^rd floor are having some sort of contest for throwing glass bottles into the alley.
15. In the middle of the night, I can hear my neighbor loudly saying “I love you” over and over to his cat.
16. My upstairs neighbor is literally practicing tap dancing.

Want more crazy tenant complaints? Check out the first article in this series!

In the universe of my imagination, short communication doesn't stop with text messaging and tweets. It continues to the cloud of network names that you can only see by trying to connect to wifi in assorted locations around Chicago.

Fictional neighbors in apartment buildings are talking to each other. They argue. They advise. They complain.  All this takes place on the available wifi networks screens on their computers, tablets, and smartphones.

Please join me as I visit them on my completely made-up journey.

Neighborhood: Edgewater
Building Type: Four plus one

• Shoe Lover
• Rainbow Connection
• Loud Walking Hater
• Miss Piggyback (WiFiiiYa!)
• Magic Triangle
• Your Feet Are Neat
• eeeeewwwifi!

Neighborhood: Albany Park
Building Type: Courtyard Continue reading [FICTION] 10 tiny neighborhood dramas as seen through their wireless network names

If you're faint of heart or under the age of 18, this article might not be for you. Otherwise, stay tuned for a lineup fit for a Halloween movie marathon.

Apartments are a great setting for horror movies. Close quarters, weird neighbors and unknown previous occupants who may or may not have died horribly are all excellent components in a good scary movie. In honor of Halloween, here are some of our favorite ghost films and creep fests where apartments and apartment life play a major role. Continue reading Halloween Special: Top 10 Horror Movies set in Apartments

What you are about to read is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between the people listed below and lunatics you might happen to know personally is entirely coincidental and unintentional, although also hopefully funny.

Time	Building	Unit	Assigned	Details
2:03am	Roscoe	19	Martin	Locked out.
2:22am	Hirsch	32	Martin	Hallway smoke detector beeping.
3:01am	Chase	3R	Pete	Lights are out on back porch stairs 2nd to 3rd flr east
3:05am	Chase	2R	N/A	Someone is stomping around on the back porch
3:10am	Chase	3R	Martin	Locked out.
7:09am	Cullerton	2F	Pete	Slow drain
7:15am	Damen	28-C	Pete	Slow drain

Continue reading Apples & Pears Property Management Phone Log, Thursday Oct 15, 2015 [Fiction]